Trampolines - Uses As Adults.

I would like for someone to buy me a trampoline.  NO, seriously.  Can you imagine the things you can do on a trampoline as an adult?!  I can.  I did some crazy things on trampolines as a child.  Now that I am older and am much more frail, I can choose things to do that will not injure me but, IMPROVE MY QUALITY OF LIFE.

Things adults can do on trampolines that kids cant...or shouldnt:

• Beat your children

HEAR ME OUT-  I am not an advocate of child abuse and anyone that knows me is aware of that.  The rest of you will have to believe me.  heh.  With the use of a trampoline you can throw your child to the "ground" like you have always wanted to and it will actually be therapeutic to BOTH of you.  When did a belt, switch, boot, broomstick or bucket of water ever do THAT while providing discipline?!?!  Fucking never.  That's when.

• Sleep.

Now, anyone that grew up with me knows that when we tried to "sleep" on the trampline on those warm Tennessee summer nights, we typically ended up beating the shit out of eachother until the wee hours of the morning.  We had two futon matresses and a fucking gaggle of pillows.  Nobody fucking slept.  However, now that I am older, married, have a child and a need to get the hell away from it all - I could actually lock myself out of the house and sleep on the trampoline.  ACTUALLY SLEEP.  Sleep without getting kicked in the balls by my two year old and with the luxury of the "wildlife" around me.  Fucking epic.  Also, I could jump up and down randomly without waking anyone up.  Bonus.

This will be continued as soon as I have time.